Monday Mojo™

How do you feel around ‘quiet’ people and on the flip side, those who seem ‘a bit loud’?  It’s fair to say, both can unsettle our Mojo so it might be worth giving it some thought.

Some researchers suggest we’re either an introvert, an extrovert or an ambivert.  For introverts, quiet is solace, where we might retreat in to “wintering” (a form of hibernation), especially when the world feels “too much”.  For extroverts, they feel energised in the company of those like them.  Interestingly, ambiverts have a hard time too, because not knowing whether solitude or engagement is best, can lead to feelings of anxiety.  

It’s fair to say, some of us might be as troubled by silence, as others are of the dark (I talk about the latter in my book, Answers In The Dark).  Where some of us embrace the quiet, others will resist it at every opportunity.  That’s not always a bad thing – “loud” people recharge in the company of like-minded people.  The problem comes when people expect us to be loud just because they are, or to be quiet when they don’t like what we have to say.  

In the end, being ‘made’ to speak, or being ‘forced’ to be quiet, can steal our sparkle. We’re allowed to take up space, recognising that loud isn’t always confident, just as quiet isn’t always shy.

Here’s what might help:

This week, maybe set the intention to Soften the Noise.  First of all, start to pinpoint where it’s coming from.  Is it other people’s opinions, the media or from inside your own mind. i.e. is it your inner critic chomping at your thoughts?  Or are you someone who is uncomfortable with silence, and tend to try and fill it?

If the source of noise is other people, we may need to set some boundaries around how we get the best from ourselves.  It’s ok to tell work, for example, that you’re motivated in more quiet environments – that it gets your mojo running – than in louder ones.  If it’s your inner critic that’s doing the damage, it’s important to remind yourself that there are literally no benefits to beating yourself up. Whilst we may think it helps correct our behaviours, all it really does is make us feel bad.  Self-compassion is key.

There’s definitely nothing wrong with being “loud” though, but like anything, timing is everything.  Sometimes you may need to say something, but as the saying goes, silence can also speak volumes.  

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You might also like: my book Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, out now.  

© Delphi Ellis 2022