Do you know that new notebook feeling?
You’ll know what I mean if, on the one hand, there’s the excitement of using this glorious, fresh new loveliness in front of you to unload all your brilliant ideas. On the other hand, there’s a trepidation involved in making sure it’s perfect.
We look for (and test) the ‘right’ pen.
We make sure we’re braced to use our best handwriting.
We smooth out the pages in front of us.
Why? Because we don’t want to mess it up.
It’s a bit like first impressions in other areas of our lives. When we attend an interview, introduce ourselves on a workshop or go on a first date, we might want to make sure everything is as we think it ‘should’ be.
We choose our outfit.
Fix our hair.
And then we open our mouth.
That’s not to say we get it wrong all the time, of course, but there will be times when we put our foot in it. Nerves play a part, as is our desire to make a good impression.
So what can we do if we think we’ve got it wrong?
This week, maybe set the intention to Start Over Again. Sometimes things happen; they don’t go our way through any fault of our own. The bus is late. The email didn’t send. The photocopier gets a paper jam. In these moments, we may just need to take a deep breath and remind ourselves “It is what it is”. No amount of us wishing it was different changes the outcome; we have to accept what is, rather than how we think it ‘should’ be. That doesn’t mean we don’t learn from it – we can take a short period of compassionate self-reflection – but the main thing is we don’t beat ourselves up. That doesn’t help your mood and it still won’t change anything.
When things go really wrong, the serious things like a job or marriage ends, we may need to regroup and nurse our wounds for a while. You’re allowed to give yourself permission to heal and that takes as long as it takes. Starting over again might be something you do every day for a while, especially when there are greyer days that take it out of you. It’s ok to set your intentions day by day (and moment to moment) even if it’s with taking each minute as it comes and choosing to be kinder to yourself. Lean in to friends that will support you and make space for self-care as often as you can. Try not to worry about what other people think about your decisions to let go.
Of course if you’ve dropped a clanger (forgotten someone’s birthday, made a mistake, or said something you really shouldn’t), then that starts with an apology. It’s ok to own it even if you didn’t mean it. You learn from the experience and, when you’re ready, begin again.
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You might also like: my book Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, out now.
© Delphi Ellis 2022
Monday Mojo™ 